Breast Prosthetics ✔️

Since my surgery in February, a part of my body that was not the biggest and best asset, was taken away from me.  My doctor informed me from the beginning that the option of reconstructive surgery would only be considered at the end of all my treatments, therefore in about a years time.  It was not recommended during my mastectomy, disappointing but at that point I didn't care and all I wanted was for the cancer to be out me. Today almost 7 weeks after my surgery, it is still very hard for me to look in the mirror.  It is a feeling that is hard to explain, but something just came into my body and took over and took my breasts from me, it was a big shock and reality check, a part of me that is gone forever. 

As summer is soon approaching and I think and contemplate on how will I dress and what will look good and what will not look good, I made a decision. It may sound shallow but our body is important to us at any size, shape or form whether we want to admit it or not. I will admit that albeit I was not a very chesty girl I did appreciate what I had but always wanted a little more, how ironic that it was completely taken away in the blink of an eye.  Your self esteem, your confidence or lack of and a part of you is gone and honestly I am not sure if you truly get it back, I guess it is still very soon for me, all is very fresh and the wounds are still healing, emotionally as well as physically. 

Today I had an appointment at Studio Equilibra, the post mastectomy lingerie store that I discovered prior to my surgery. The sales lady was very nice and so respectful towards the comfort zone of being topless in front of her, merci Chantal.   I went today to shop for breast prosthetics so that I could feel somewhat womanly again. My husband was right there by my side as I tried on different sizes and shapes (lol) as he tried to support me and help me decide what to choose. I figured since I was not very chesty to begin prior to my surgery, I could be any size I wanted to be.  I will admit that I did go bigger and I am happy with the outcome, should I decide to have the reconstruction done at the end of this unwanted journey, this is the size I want, after all why not, right.  Therefore, $800 later, thank god for insurance and Medicare paying for portions of it, I have a look of femininity again but not the feel.  Some may think that it is vein and that maybe I should be happy the way I am, honestly when it is not your choice and the choice is made for you, it is a lot harder to accept. 

I truly hope that my openness with my journey can help just one other woman.  

All I can say is ladies, do what your heart tells you and what is best for you. 

Chop chop ✂️✂️✂️✂️

So the inevitable day has arrived, I have begun my chemo, the side effects are up and down, nausea, fatique and fogged brain.  The next step will be hairloss, so before chemo also takes my hair away I decided to take control and have it cut off. 

We made an evening out of it with family and friends and drinks, nanchos and dips followed by coffee and apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Obvioulsly i only had the nachos and dip, a drink would've been great but i will celebrate once my treatments are all over with. 

My husband went first and had his head shaved, he was a little freaked out but honestly i think he looks fantastic. Thank you Gino for always being by my side, i love you to infinity and beyond. So the hair party was going on in my bathroom and my turn was next. I sat in the chair and left it to Angie, she started off by getting rid of so much volume that i had and the nasty fuzziness from not having done anything to my hair in months because i new this would be the outcome. 

I thought I would have been more emotional, nervous or scared but instead i was determined from day one that i would be stronger than cancer. So as she was cutting, we kept deciding shorter and shorter. In the end it is hair, i will loose it and it will grow back. 

It was a great evening surrounded by love, family and friends.  Thank you so much Angie, love you...

Chemo treatment # 1

I am not sure how or where to begin, as the whole experience is so surreal this 1st treatment is terrifying. I am not going to be a super hero and pretend that I am not afraid, it scares the crap out of me. Well, I guess the unknown can be scary for anyone. But my rock is by my side and that gives me great comfort. 

Everyone is extremely nice and caring, they make you feel as comfortable as possible. You take your seat in a somewhat comfortable lazyboy, they ask you a few questions and they begin.  The iv is placed in my hand, a little painful but it can't be worse than surgery....lol. Next the pharmacist comes and gives me my prescriptions for nausea, one of the many side effects of the chemo. Then she proceeded to explain the treatment I am receiving and how wonderful I may feel afterwards (NOT), the hair loss, mouth ulcers, possible vomitting, red urine, fatigue, risk of infection, fever at 38.3 requires an immediate visit to the ER.  Jesus, can it get any worse, no kidding I am freaking out and want to run out of my skin.  But, cancer will not beat me, I will kick its ass....HARD. 

It's 10:25 am and I have taken my first pill for control of nausea and the chemo begins. The first blood red treatment has begun, Epirubicine.  Wow, is all I have to say, the feeling is of disbelief, how can this be happening to me, I am too young for this bastard disease, unfortunately this bastard knows no age. This is freaken burning my vein, imagine what it is doing to my insides, it better kill the bastard if it's hiding anywhere. So now I sit and wait for bag #1 to finish. Done at 10:46am 

Next one, Fluorouacil, I have to start chewing on ice to avoid the next treatment from penetrating into my gums and teeth. It was a quick dose and painless.  Got up to go to the bathroom and then just as fast as it went in, the urine was blood red. Good thing I was aware of the side effect, if not I would have freaked out. The redness will continue for 48-72 hours, so I must drink lots of water in order to flush it out. 

Last one, Cyclophosphamide has begun, should run for about 30 minutes. In the meantime a sweet old man having treatment came to see me and tried to comfort me, that I would be ok and that my beautiful hair would probably fall out but I will be ok, He is the sweetest. So the nurse explains to me that a possible side effect of this med is that I can feel pressure on the bridge of my nose and forehead, like a sinus infection.  All is going well until the last few minutes when the pain struck on the bridge of my nose and forehead, it was like a very strong pressure, no panic, they gave me 2 tylenols and it will relieve the pressure. Next time around the treatment will be stretched over 1 hour instead of 30 minutes. 

So in all honesty the actual treatment is not so bad, the unknown is always worse and terrifying.  Now we wait and see what the side effects will be like and when they will kick in. 

Ass kicking #1 done at 11:50am. 

Wig shopping.....

Today was the day that i went shopping for my wig. As you all know, I will be starting chemo therapy on Wednesday March 23, 2016. So, with this lovely treatment that I will be receiving, one of the many side effects is total hair loss.  I am ready to face this head on and I accept that my hair will fall out, I don't like it but I don't have much of a choice, I choose life over hair. 

So my cousin and I headed to a wig shop Mama Africa, there were so many styles, colors and lengths to choose from.  I would've loved to go blonde or maybe a redhead but reality was I wanted something as close as possible to my natural hair.  Some of you may ask why, but I am doing it for my daughter, I do not want to frighten her with a sudden change.  Therefore I will cut my hair very short, as soon as I get the courage to have my cousin do it, my husband will also shave his head ( love him to pieces). Deciding a new look is great, but when one is forced upon you it is harder to face it.  

The experience of wig shopping was great, I tried on a few, more or less the same style just a little longer or darker, realized that I was not made to have very long hair. When I put on the wig I finally purchased, I just knew it was perfect for me. It was as though it was made for me and looked so natural, I felt comfortable and knew that it was the one, so I bought it. Thank you Angie for all your time and research and always being there. 

After this whole roller coaster of emotions, I decided to go and see the girls at work.  It was great seeing everyone and chit chatting, thank you all for your support. 

So now I am ready to "fight like a girl" and start the next round of my battle.

No more cancer ✔️ Chemo ✔️ Radiation ✔️

As promised in my last post, my appointment this afternoon with my oncologist went as follows:

- All the cancer from the left breast was removed completely, there are no markers left.....great news🙏🏻

- The left breast also had precancerous cells in the ductal part of the breast, so one way or another i was doomed to have breast cancer. 

- the Grade remained the same as a grade 1 cancer, meaning that it is not a cancer that will break apart easily or quickly, it remains contained.

-  11 of my lymph nodes were removed and 3 of them returned positive for cancerous cells.  The good thing is that the lymphatic system tested negative for metastatic cells.🙏🏻

So given all the information and the medical calculations that are made the doctor decided that I will require 6 cycles of chemo therapy, consisting of 3 cycles of:

FEC is a combination of three chemotherapy drugs.

It takes its name from the initials of these drugs:

* 5 fluorouracil (also known as 5FU

* epirubicin

* cyclophosphamide

And the other 2 cycles of:

Docetaxel is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug.  This medication is classified as a "plant alkaloid," a "taxane" and an "antimicrotubule agent."  

Followed by 25 cycles of radiation therapy....basically I am in treatment until about September if all goes well.

So how do I feel about all this, honestly, terrified and grateful to have my husband by my side every step of the way.....the unknown is always scary no mater what it may be.  I hate that I have to go through this and that my family has to go through this with me, but they are my rock and my cheerleading team.  My beautiful locks will be gone soon,  but I know it will grow back, but it is still a hard pill to swallow, scarves will be my new accessories along with a wig, I don't want my daughter to be afraid by the sudden change in me. I am mad 😡and angry 😤and many other things 😥but I guess that is all normal, the emotions that run through you are uncontrollable at times, I guess I need my time to deal and cope with the next step as best I can.  My first chemo treatment will be the week of March 21 and then every 3 weeks after that for 18 weeks. 

When this is all over, I will look back and think.....cancer you f....d with the wrong girl.

Thank you all for following my story and for being a great support, ladies please don't take anything for granted and men also.

Recovery ... Some days better than others

I guess all I can say about my recovery is ouchhhhhh

Since day one of my surgery 4 weeks ago, wow already 4 weeks, it feels just like yesterday that I got the news of my breast cancer. The only way I can describe what I feel is "sunburned" straight across from one side of my body to the other including the back of my arms. The extreme sensitivity is something I did not expect, I expected pain over my sutures but the pain of wearing a sweater or t-shirt was not not something I imagined. Being in a car is slowly getting better, every bump in the road, and there are many this time of year, each one hurts more than the other. Not all days are bad, some are better, but this sensitivity is driving me crazy. Just imagine, I am sure that once in your life you took a little too much sun, remember that feeling when you took a shower and then had to dry yourself and worst of all you have to put clothes on, that is the 24/7 feeling I have. 

I am not sure what I expected, I guess the unknown is always better.  Maybe had I known about all the pain and sensitivity I would have been more reluctant about the surgery, although it was inevitable.   All I can tell you ladies is that try to make the best of it, it is extremely frustrating and the slightest caress hurts like needles, water drops from the shower feel like the jets are on full force. Patience is a virtue, I guess and God knows I don't have much of it at times. 

So tomorrow is the big day......results day!!!!! To be continued......

That time again......#feelthegirls

So ladies and gents also, today is the first of the month so it's that time to take a few minutes out of your busy day and #feelthegirls. 

It takes just a few minutes and then go one with your day. I was inspired by Nalie Augustin and her #feelitonthefirst campaign. She is an amazing and inspirational young woman and breast cancer survivor. 

Remember if it doesn't feel right have it checked, go with your gut, always. This can save your life and early detection is so important.