BRCA1/BRCA2 was the big results that were weighing on me since the start of this diagnosis. Although I knew that my chances of being a carrier of the Breast Cancer gene was unlikely, there is no breast cancer history in my family. The thought that if I was a carrier and that I could've passed it onto my daughter was eating away at me. My blood tests were drawn in June 2017 and my results came in in November....5 months of praying and agonizing over what would be. Finally, I am NOT a carrier of either gene, I could feel the immediate weight being lifted off my shoulders as the doctor gave me my results, another hurdle done.
The last 6 months have gone by in the blink of an eye. Back to work is great, it feels so good to be back at the office and keeping busy, being home was great but the mind wonders too often. I must admit I do not have the same stamina I once had, I get tired very easily and my brain fogs quite often, I hate the lasting effects of chemo.
My husband and I took a mini vacation to Cuba to get away after a very hard and trying time we went through, I strongly say we. Yes I was the one with the cancer but my husband and family was just as affected by it. We enjoyed peace and quite, the sound of the ocean and I was pain free for 4 days. I stayed in the ocean all day until I became a prune, it was amazing to not feel pain throughout my body, I forgot what that was like.
It was great to reconnect away from all the reminders of what was, although many will say to me that it is in the past and forget about it...move on...easier said than done. I always say you need to really walk in someone's shoes to truly understand their trials, this is something that will never go away nor be forgotten, how can it, it is a constant reminder for me everyday when I look in the mirror, when I get out of bed in pain and go to bed in pain,when I get tired so easily. I am so lucky and blessed to be able to look back and say wow I went through breast cancer and I beat it.
Friends are the family we choose is so true, I am blessed to have friends with whom I have had in my life for 30+ years. Although oceans divided some of us and life took its own paths we were always there when it counted most. We decided to take a little trip to Vegas together in November and it was an amazing experience. We enjoyed 4 days of sightseeing, shopping, eating, drinking but most of all laughing. This is a trip that I will cherish forever and a check off my bucket list...onto the next adventure together.
Something that I kept telling my husband that I wanted to do was to volunteer at the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation. Almost 6 months ago I sent them an email and asked if I could volunteer as an ambassador for the foundation. Having been through the cancer wringer I can say that the foundation is one that not helps in local research but the patient/family care is just beyond words. I was so very touched and impressed by the free services and financial aid that is offered, something that many people are not aware of. So, in December I attending a training session to be an Ambassador for the foundation and I accepted wholeheartedly to volunteer my time. I want to give back and make woman aware that this is serious and that it is not taboo to speak about our breasts and to ask questions, we have a great organization right here and they are always available to help or answer questions....your gut feeling is always right, listen to it...I listened to mine.
People have often asked me how I smile all the time, and how I am always happy given everything that life has thrown at me. Sometimes it is a cover to not show the sadness, the fear and the disappointment of what could've been, but in the end life is to short to be angry at it, to be bitter at the why's and to question all that happens, fear lives inside me everyday but I will not let it takeover my life. I say to myself that life is like a gift, everyday you open your eyes, unwrap the gift slowly and enjoy it, we don't know what the next hour will hold for us let alone tomorrow, live it as you choose to, what makes you happy...a little selfish, maybe, but if you are happy, your surroundings are a better place.
As another year is coming to an end, I am truly blessed to be thriving as a survivor. December 30, 2015 is a day that I will never forget but it is a day that I will look back on every year and say thank you for another year, thank you for allowing me to share my story with you all.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and the most amazing New Year. I wish you all health and make everyday count.
2018...to be continued
Love you all
Franca
