New beginnings

My husband and I have been trying to sell our home for about 2 years, a very difficult market at this time.  We made this choice because we have a special needs child and she does not go up or down the stairs, so picking up a 60 pound child day and night and every time we leave the house was becoming very difficult.

The easy part was deciding, ok let's sell the house, not realizing how hard it would be to find something that would suit our daughters needs. We had two main buying points, big shower and no stairs....something very hard to find in a home.  My husband became an Internet junky on the net day and night for months looking for the perfect or at least the best possible home for us.  

In early November my husband discovered a beautiful condo for sale. When he brought it up to me, a condo was the furthest from my mind, I felt that I was still too young, no insult to anyone.  I imagined going into a condo maybe at retirement or close to it, but in life we can never say never.  I agreed to go visit the place and at lease give it a chance, the pictures were beautiful, but we all know that they can at times be deceiving. 

The appointment was made and off we went to the visit on my husbands birthday. As soon as I walked into the entrance I was sold.  The place was beautiful beyond what I had seen in many homes that we visited, we were both in awe and immediately fell in love. The bathroom was berate the for our daughters bath and the Creme de la Creme, NO STAIRS. We continued our visit, thanked them and went down to the lobby.  We immediately made an offer and filled in the paperwork in the lobby, after some back and forth the offer and conditions were accepted.  

We were overjoyed at the possibility of this becoming our new home, but one little issue, we need to sell our home.  In a very competitive market and with several homes for sale on our street and neighborhood, we would have to be really lucky to sell by our conditional deadline of Feb 29, 2016. 

So November came and went, and then my cancer scare began towards the beginning of December. We were so focused on all the testing and appointments that we pushed the home sale to the side a little. A few days before Christmas we got a call for a visit, the visit came and went, the holidays came and went, my breast cancer was confirmed and now we have another issue to deal with. I was going to have surgery and the fear of not being able to care for my daughter was freaking me out, something as simple as putting her to bed, or getting her on and off the school bus would be impossible for 6-8 weeks due to the stairs.  

After the new year we got a call for a second visit, so we crossed fingers and toes that this would work out for us.  The timing could not have been better, but there are so many factors to consider since we had a very tight deadline of February 29, 2016 for our offer at the condo.  Lo and behold we got an offer, with some back and forth negotiations we were amazed at how all fell into place with dates. Someone was looking out for us from above and beyond. 

So I had my surgery on Feb 12, 2016, signed the sale of our home on Feb 22, 2016 and purchased our condo on Feb 26, 2016...3 days short of our deadline.  I guess things can't always go bad, there is a silver lining. 

So after 11 years in our home, we made great friends whom have become family, it was very difficult to leave. Thanks to help of wonderful friends and family, my family is settled into our new place in less than 48hrs. Let's just say that going from a house to a condo after 11 years is not easy but the support team was who made this all possible, or maybe I should say the production line was amazing.  4 weeks after surgery I was finally able to put my daughter to bed tonight thanks to no more stairs 

Thank you to my husband for this beautiful home and for always taking care of us. 

A day of emotions

Finally my last drain came out this morning, I feel a sense of relief, I can move around easier and maybe I will finally sleep better tonight. Another step closer to the healing process. 

Almost 11 years to the date my husband and I moved into our 1st home. I was 3 months pregnant and filled with so much joy.  We have had many rough patches and many good ones, just like all couples. We have made some amazing lifelong friends that we consider as family. 

Today after all these years we say goodbye to that chapter of our lives. We sold our home and will be moving on the weekend into a new one. Something that will make our lives easier for us and to be able to offer a better quality of live for Olivia. We are very sad and very excited at the same time, lots of mixed emotions. I will be leaving a part of my life here, lots of memories and plenty of tears. 

Our new home Is a new beginning in the next chapter of our lives. Some may think that it is crazy, everything at once, but I say everything happens for a reason. My breast cancer surgery is limiting me at this time in the care for my daughter, in our new home my limitations will be less and it will also be much easier for me with my own limitations. 

So we will move on to the next step with only positive energy and leave all negative energy behind.  

Thank you......

So it's now 8 days since my surgery and I am slowly starting to feel better, I would love to have this final drain out but the CLSC nurse decided it was not time yet.  My skin from under my left arm to under my right arm straight across is so sensitive that my clothes on it hurt. I am trying everything to sooth it but nothing seems to work. I guess with time, lots of time the sensitivity will  slowly decrease.

My daughter definitely realizes that something is off at home, all of a sudden daddy is doing everything and I mean everything. She tries to get on top me and hug me and my heart breaks that I have to stop her and slowly try to hug her and make her sit on my lap. I try to explain to her that mommy has a bobo, but she just wants to play and snuggle.  

Thank God for my mother, she is amazing with Olivia, so she takes her on the weekends so that we can have some free time and now she takes her all the time so that I can rest. Not sure what I would do without her, in life through trials and tribulations we learn and we realize many things.

My husband, well not sure how often I can say he is amazing.  I just had surgery and we are moving out of our house next week, so guess who is doing all the final boxes, that's right he is. I must say that we are so lucky to have great family and friends helping us with moving and cooking us dinners.  

Thank you all so much.

Day 6 post-op

Day 6 and the pain is slowly and I mean slowly getting bearable.  The drains are a pain in the ass, they bother the shit out of me, the frustration level is high. 

CLSC nurse came over this morning and I was so happy that she removed 2 of the 3 drains. It was not so painful, just an uncomfortable feeling when she pulled them out. A very sweet lady who took the time to explain to me the process and was very sympathetic to my new scars. 

My scars are something that I still have a very hard time to look at and accept, I have my meltdowns and then I feel better. It is so hard to see the scars across my body, but I know that it was the best choice I could've made to fight this bastard. 

One day at a time with my head held high.....

TKO kind of day.......

Today has to have been one of the toughest days yet.  Hearing the words that you have cancer is enough to knock the wind out of you, but to see what cancer has taken away from you is a TKO.

My nurse from the CLCS came by this afternoon to change my bandages for the drains and to remove the bandages over my what used to be breasts.  The pain was tremendous, having the bandages pulling on my skin that was so sensitive after surgery, but the sight of my new scars across my chest were something I was not ready for.  I have looked at so many you tube videos and pictures of woman with double mastectomies, tried to prepare myself, but I realized you are never ready, but to see your own is just a whole other movie. I felt like I was in a dream that I was trying to wake up from but I was already awake.  I will not lie, I broke down and my husband held me and told me how beautiful I was to him and how much he loves me.  I am so angry that cancer took that away from me and made me vulnerable, all feelings and sentiments that are normal. 

Cancer took away something that belonged to me, but I will kick cancer so far it will never want to come back. I will have my moments, and I will admit it is not easy to look at, but I will try my best to not let this take over my fight and recovery. 

Although I lost a part of me to breast cancer, I will not let it take my will and drive to fight this beast.  

I will fight like a bitch............

Home sweet home

Nothing better than being in your own surroundings after a surgery, although the staff was amazing at Cite de la Sante.  I am slowly coming to terms with the surgery that I just had, but so happy that the cancer is out. A part of me was taken away because of the cancer but that is all it will get, the rest belongs to me and I will fight to keep it. 

Not easy to look at and to literally see nothing there anymore,  it is not an easy pill to swallow. I have more discomfort than pain today but lots of grogginess and dizziness, I am constantly in and out of sleep. My husband is not letting me do anything, he is amazing, he even emptied my drains. 

So one day at a time, I will get stronger and it will get better...

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. 

Happy Valentine's Day 

The morning after...

Well, the surgery went well and the drugs were awesome yesterday to contain the pain. It is no picnic but knowing the cancer is out of me is a breath of fresh air. I wait for the doctor to come and see me to give me the details and results of how many lymph nodes were removed. 

The pain is intense this morning, didn't get much sleep. The nurse comes in every two hours to take vitals and check the drains.  

It is such a relief for me to know that my uninvited guest has been kicked to the curb. Step 1 is done and now I focus on my recovery one day at a time.  

Your words of encouragement have helped me so much. 

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart💞💞💞

Goodbye to a piece of me...

Good morning to all and a big thank you to all for your kind words of encouragement.  Your support and prayers are what is making it easier, if i can say easier, to get through this.  I strongly believe that awareness is key to everything. 

As for me i have been up since 3am and have nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Something that seemed so far away and so unimagineable is today, i do not wish this feeling to anyone.  

I am going into this with a heavy heart but my head held up high and the attitude of a bitch, cancer will not win this without a major fight.  He came knocking on the wrong door and he better be ready for the  consequences. 

My reasons for fighting this like a bitch....

Thank you all so much for following in my journey with me...love you all 💞😘

24hrs to surgery.....

How does one begin to imagine what life will be like in less than 24 hrs, when I wake up tomorrow after the surgery, a part of me will be gone. A part the body that most woman cherish and love to flaunt, and should be proud of your girls...you got it flaunt it.  

When I wake up, mine will be gone, not by choice but by the invasion of an uninvited guest who decided to take over my breast.   I have emotions of anger, sadness, heartache but most of all I have an inner strength to fight this demon.

I don't want to be a hero, I am hurting and suffering but the love and support of my husband, family and friends will get me through this. 

It is okay to yell, scream and cry is what people tell me, but right now I am numb. Numb to the knowledge that I have breast cancer, that I will have to have surgery tomorrow and then followed by chemo and radiation. Numb to the reality that our lives will change forever.  This numbness is temporary, and it will be taken over by victory, I will beat this and I will be a survivor 

Pre-op Day

So reality is slowly starting to kick in that my surgery is only 3 days away. 

Until now I knew through doctors talking to me that I have breast cancer, I can also visually see it, but to come to terms with it is a whole different aspect.  I can speak very easily about my breast cancer and it is a sort of therapy for me write my feelings and express them with all of you.

My emotions are all over the place and justifiably so, it is hard for me to imagine what life will be like after my surgery.  So many thoughts cross your mind, as much as I want my breasts out, they are a part of me and I feel as though a part of me will be gone forever.  At this time I will not be having breast reconstruction, it was not recommended by my doctor due to the treatments that I will undergo afterwards.  This would only be considered at the end of all my treatments. My husband is so supportive and he is my rock, without his encouragement and love I would have crumbled at the thought of breast cancer. 

Not sure what the appointment will be like today, I am meeting the nurse and she will explain to me the details of the surgery and what to expect afterwards. How does someone come to terms with the fact that they lost a part of themselves to this horrible disease. 

Well, one foot in front of the other with your head held high and one day at a time. Oh yeah, and kick cancers ass.

World Cancer Day

So today February 4th, 2016 is World Camcer Day.  To be honest I didn't even know it existed before today, that is sad.  Based on 2010 stats with the Canadian Cancer Society 1 in 9 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 1 in 30 will die.  Wow, 1 in any number is already too high and together we must raise awareness. Early detection is key, as I have mentioned, once a month  take      5 minutes with your 2 bffs and just feel them.  Nobody wants to be a statistic let alone the 1 in 30. 

25,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. This represents 26% of all new cancer cases in women in 2015.

5,000 women will die from breast cancer. This represents 14% of all cancer deaths in women in 2015.

On average, 68 Canadian women will be diagnosed with breast cancer every day.

On average, 14 Canadian women will die from breast cancer every day.

220 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 60 will die from it.

Read more: http://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/breast/statistics/?region=bc#ixzz3zFYkdZbw

My reason for blogging my journey with you all....

The message below was sent to me from a blog follower, i always say that if I can help just one person be more aware and react to something new they are feeling.  Have it checked, 1 hour out of your busy life can save your life.  Make it a monthly date with your 2 best friends, feel them and then go on with your day, if you are unsure get it checked, don't wait.....early detection is key.

"Hi Franca! How are you? I just want to say thank you!!! For your posts on your unwanted/unexpected journey. I think it is important for you to know you have encouraged me to get myself checked. I've been feeling something (although not sure what) in my right breast and haven't been sure if it's something worth getting checked. It first started with sharp pains back at the end of September. It feels like a small cyst and it hurts when I touch it. I finally called yesterday for an appointment. I felt it was important for you to know that through you sharing your story it has affected and brought awareness to at least one person and that one person is me!!! As it might turn out to be nothing it might be something. Whatever the outcome is I thank you for having the courage to share your story! You are one extremely strong and amazing woman! I wish you only the best and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday!! You husband, your daughter,"

Thank you so much