TKO kind of day.......

Today has to have been one of the toughest days yet.  Hearing the words that you have cancer is enough to knock the wind out of you, but to see what cancer has taken away from you is a TKO.

My nurse from the CLCS came by this afternoon to change my bandages for the drains and to remove the bandages over my what used to be breasts.  The pain was tremendous, having the bandages pulling on my skin that was so sensitive after surgery, but the sight of my new scars across my chest were something I was not ready for.  I have looked at so many you tube videos and pictures of woman with double mastectomies, tried to prepare myself, but I realized you are never ready, but to see your own is just a whole other movie. I felt like I was in a dream that I was trying to wake up from but I was already awake.  I will not lie, I broke down and my husband held me and told me how beautiful I was to him and how much he loves me.  I am so angry that cancer took that away from me and made me vulnerable, all feelings and sentiments that are normal. 

Cancer took away something that belonged to me, but I will kick cancer so far it will never want to come back. I will have my moments, and I will admit it is not easy to look at, but I will try my best to not let this take over my fight and recovery. 

Although I lost a part of me to breast cancer, I will not let it take my will and drive to fight this beast.  

I will fight like a bitch............