2 weeks post 2nd Chemo

Well, 2 down and 4 more to go.....

What can I say, it is rough and nasty and no one should have to go through this kind of physical and emotional torture. I must say that this 2nd treatment was very hard on me, it started in the chair while i was receiving my last drip for 1 hour, the fatigue kicked in so quick it sucker punched me. It was a feeling of not being in control of my body, complete exhaustion and the nausea, well that is something that just takes over. As soon as I got home from the treatment I literally knocked out for a few hours and felt helpless.  The feeling of nausea and exhaustion last about 7-10 days and then I am back to myself before the next round. 

A feeling of helplessness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, almost complete hair loss, anger, pain, the loss of a part of my body, a part of myself.....all this, thanks to BREAST CANCER, well you know what FUCK YOU CANCER and you will not win. As hard and as painful as this journey is I will not let Cancer win. I will NOT allow Cancer take over my life. 

Chemo therapy is something that no one will ever understand unless they go through it.  I saw my dad die of cancer and it was a horrible part of my life, I always said that it is a disease that takes over your body, I will fight with everything that I have for my life and my world...

This journey is definitely not an easy one, I am an emotional wreck at times and I unload on my husband and he does not deserve it.  He is so patient and so loving and is the best husband and friend I could've asked for, I am sorry for my outbursts, my tears, my craziness and everything we as a family are going through, all I can say is Thank You For loving Me.....😉

I am happy that by the next chemo session I will be halfway done......

ladies, please do not take anything for granted and always trust your instinct. Sunday is May 1st so as my inspiration Nalie Agustin lives by #feelitonthefirst. 

A 2 minute self examine can save your life, early detection is key......

Love you all

Franca

My Rock, my everything, my life.....

Almost 16 years ago when I met my then boyfriend I would never have ever imagined a life so filled with roller coaster rides. In life we never know what will be, but when we choose our significant others there are reasons behind them.....

Going on 14 years married and I can openly say that it has been a roller coaster in many aspects.  I don't believe that any marriage is perfect, and if someone tells you so, they are living in a bubble. Our journey or test of love as I call it began almost 11 years ago when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Little did we know what a ride we would be headed in, one that no parent ever imagines. We were having our first child, a beautiful little girl, we had so many expectations, hopes and dreams and many of them were shattered.  We began with doctors and specialists at the mere age of 3 months old, heart surgery, epilepsy, developmental delays, intellectual disability, surgeries and so so many hospital stays....many years of tears and frustration, but my rock never left my side and always stood by our daughters side. I can understand how easy it can be for a relationship to fall apart and many times the option of running seems like the only option. Many hopes of what could've been and how life would've been, but our daughter has come so far and she is the light of both of our eyes, and we are so proud of her and all her accomplishments, no matter how big or small. 

Just when we thought life was beginning to settle into our normal we get hit by the cancer bomb. My diagnosis came as a shock to myself as well as my husband, it was a lot to take in and process. This was a life altering bomb that hit us, without any warning. My first reaction was fear of death or the unknown, how will he raise our daughter on his own, what will happen and a million other thoughts being processed all at once. The shock was horrible for my husband, I could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes, the same questions that I was asking myself. We can only be so strong for so long, eventually we need to crack and show our emotions and try to deal with them. 

What can I say, once again he is by my side every step of the way, as a husband, father and best friend. During my many changes in appearance lately, as insecure and unattractive I feel right now, he is always ready to let me know how beautiful I am. For being by my side during my side effects of the chemo and not being functional for days while you deal with your own issues. For this I am eternally greatful. It is a crazy journey but it is our journey and together we will get through this. Although I have the cancer, it affects everyone around you one way or another. 

Thank you my love for always being by my side when I knew how easy it would be to run, I love you today, tomorrow and forever. 

Chemo Treatment #2

Cancer asskicking #2 has begun....

The routine is the same, atleast this time I am more aware of what to expect from this dredded treatment. 

I am hoping that the nausea will be better controlled this time around and that the dragon of heartburn will not be back. 

It is still surreal sitting here with my rock by my side and going though this. It is already 4 months since I discovered my lump and since then, all tests and biopsies are done, double mastectomy  surgery is done and now onto round 2 of chemo, only 4 more treatments to go for this part of my fight.  At times I sit and think that this is all a bad dream that I will wake up from, but then reality slaps me in the face when I look in the mirror at the scars across my chest. 

I am extremely thankful for my husband, family and friends that have been by my side since day one, for this I am eternally grateful. I have learned a lot from this experience, some good and some not so good. It is a life lesson on so many levels.  

Hair loss...a brutal reality

When I began my chemo, the doctor said to me that the hair loss would begin about 10 to 15 days after the first treatment. Well, let me tell you he was right on the ball. I had already cut my hair very short to avoid the big lumps of hair falling out with my long hair.  I thought it would make it easier, but OMG the head pain was phenomenal, never did I expect it. The inflammation of the scalp caused by the chemo treatment is what causes the hair follicles to just fall out from the root. The head pain was crazy, it felt as though I had a very tight ponytail and removed it, that feeling that you can't touch your hair or head because it hurts so much. Well, that pretty much summed it up for me for the past week, the pain was so bad I could not put my head down on the pillow, comb my hair and to wash it was almost impossible. 

Yesterday I noticed that suddenly there was lots of hair in my hands, on my pillow, my clothes and it was just falling on its own.  My husband and I went out for dinner and as I was eating I would see my hair falling into my plate, I was so frustrated and nervous by yet another thing that this dam cancer was taking away from me. So, this morning I woke up, had a good cry, got it out of my system and decided it was time to take this into my hands, got my phone spoke to my cousin and she was over and the clippers came out for me and my husband.  Thank you again for all you do for us...love you.

Believe it or not, I actually like the look and so does my husband, daughter and family....

10 days post 1st Chemo

My first chemo treatment, never did I think I would ever utter those words, but life has many surprises for us and this one was mine.

When you have your first treatment, you have no clue what to expect or how you will react. You are given an endless list of possible side effects along with medications in case of the side effects. You are clueless to this reality and obviously we expect the worst to happen. 

The day of the treatment was a hard reality sitting in the chair, but I knew that with my husband by my side I would get through it. 

The day of the treatment I had some nausea and felt a little tired, day 2 I had the energy of a horse.  I thought wow this is great, I am going to get through this with no problem. Day 3 came around and the nausea kicked in full force followed by extreme fatigue and horrible heart burn.  At times the burning was so bad I felt like a dragon, I took my pills but they were not doing the job. I called the the oncology pharmacy at the hospital and they quickly prescribed me another medication to help coat my stomach. When drinking water was becoming almost impossible, I could not go on. I felt as though my head was no longer a part of my body, the fatigue took over my mind and body.  This is nasty shit they are putting into my body, it better kill the fuckers, if there are any sleeping around in me. 

Day by day it has gradually gotten better and today I can say that I feel like myself again, somewhat.  I am glad that my treatments are every 3 weeks, not sure how I would handle the weekly or bi-weekly treatments. My hat off to all the men and women out there going through chemo therapy, it is easy for chemo to take over your body and turn you upside down.  We must all fight and be stronger than the disease and all its ailments. 

Again and forever, thank you for following my blog and for your support.

💕💕💕💕