Final Blog of 2016

This will be my final blog for 2016,,,,

I am closing this year with some bitter sweetness and joy.  2016 is a year that I would love to forget, it came in with a bang of a Breast Cancer diagnosis and followed by surgery, 4 months of chemotherapy and 5 weeks of radiation.  A year that has taught me just how strong one can become when faced with adversity, how we have to make life altering decisions within a moments notice and how the word CANCER changes your life forever.  In the blink of an eye your life is shattered to pieces and slowly you try to put it back together one at a time.

In this past year I was forced by the laws of nature to make decisions which will affect me for the rest of my life, these decisions also affected the ones that I love.  Together we took one step in front of the other and hoped and prayed that each decision that was made would guide us to a better place.

2016 has taught me to be resilient and that nothing is impossible and that all is possible.  It has taught me the true meaning of life, family and friendships near and far.  Life is short, we do not know what tomorrow holds for us but we know that in the moment of need and fear those who truly care are by your side in any way, shape or form they can be.

At 40 years old I should've been at the peek of my adulthood, embracing life, my husband, my daughter and my family and friends, instead I was fighting for my life.  I fought this battle from day one with one outcome in my mind, and that was that I would beat Breast Cancer.  It is a road that I do not wish to ever have to embark on again, it is a road that nobody should ever have to travel.

The opportunity for me to share my breast cancer journey with all of you was not out of pity, it was a way for me to show you all that at any age and at anytime your world can come crumbling down.  Also, for all of us to be more vigilant and attentive to our bodies.  We are all so wrapped up in our everyday lives that we don't take the time to stop, take a deep breath and say its my turn now. That 2 minutes a month to self examine is all it takes for early detection, it is terrifying to think what if I feel something, if you have a doubt, have it checked, and always make time for YOU. I hope that by sharing my journey I was able to help just 1 person.

Breast Cancer has changed my life and my family's forever, it has instilled a fear of recurrence, a fear of the unknown, a fear of what does the future hold, a fear of never feeling whole again or beautiful or sexy or just to feel like a woman.  Yes I am cancer free and that is amazing, I beat cancer, but in some aspects cancer has beat me, it has left me with fibromyalgia, chemo brain and menopause, this is something I am going to have to work hard at changing or accepting.  Acceptance is never easy and life after cancer is very hard, maybe even harder than fighting it.  The battle was rough and very difficult but its all over and life goes on, the aftermath lasts a lifetime and that is not easy to deal with, I am confident that time heals all wounds, even big ones.

To all of my followers, thank you for all your prayers, kind messages, smiles, love and most of all for just being there.  Whether you were by my side during treatment, a Facebook message, text, phone call or even just a thought in your mind, you have all factored into my battle and healing.  I have read and cherished ever part of you being there with me during this difficult time, for this I am eternally grateful. 

To my husband, my rock, where do I begin.....words are not enough to thank you for never leaving my side.  You watched me at my lowest point of my life and never gave up on me or us, I know that it was a very difficult journey for you as well, you stepped up and took control of Olivia and taking care of her with the help of my mom, you made sure to never miss a doctor's appointment, surgery,  15 chemo treatments over 4 months and 5 weeks of radiation.  Thank you and I will love you more, always...

I wish you all a fantastic end to 2016 and a wonderful beginning to 2017, filled with health, joy and prosperity.

My life after cancer will continue, and I will continue to update you on my healing and follow-ups. 

Remember 2 minutes can save your life..

Happy New Year to all, I am happy to say goodbye to 2016

Love
Franca

One year, already....

In the coming months my journey will have many one year markers....

On November 22, 2015 I woke up as I did every other day, never did I imagine that it was going to change my life forever. One year ago today I discovered a lump in my left breast that was quite visible to the naked eye. I felt like something had taken over my breast, the knot in my throat, I can still feel today every time I think of that day. We never imagine that anything can happen to us, we all feel we are invincible, but reality is we are not and anything can happen at any time, in fact we are quite vulnerable.

One year later I sit here and think of everything I have gone through since that day.  I would not have imagined in a million years that I would've been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Why me? I am too young! No breast cancer history in my family.....and so on.

That day has forever changed my life and also saved my life. At 40 years old with no pre-existing history or cancer in the family, I was not screened for mammograms or ultrasounds, a self breast exam is what saved my life.  I cannot say it enough, ladies and gentlemen take 2 minutes and do the self testing, if you feel something react quickly and have it checked. I realize that we cannot panic or run to a doctor every time we feel something odd, but we know in our gut when something is not right. My gut told me from the minute I saw my lump that i was not going to get good news.

So much has happened in the last year since my discovery, so much has changed, I have changed. No matter how strong you try to be their comes a time when you sit down and say to yourself, what the fuck just happened. That is when cancer slaps you on the other cheek and makes you realize what you have just gone through, at that moment you can feel the air being sucked out of your stomach, a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the sobbing that is uncontrollable. A reality that nobody wants to live or see a loved one live.

I am very happy to be done with all my treatments and to have beaten breast cancer.  But a little thing called chemo side effects is what I now have to live with.
- Chemo Brian, basically a brain fog that is very frustrating, I know what I want to say but the words don't come out
- chronic pain in my shoulders, arms, elbows, fingers and toes, today I was told it is Fibromyalgia and that there is no magic cure.  I have to learn to manage my pain because I do not want to take pills. My body was injected with enough poison.  This makes day to day activities a little difficult.
- fatigue, I am physically tired all the time.
- depression, yes as strong as I am, this is something that is very hard for me and I am not ashamed to admit that I am having a hard time coping with everything I have gone through.  I will start seeing a therapist who will help me learn how to cope and accept.

Throughout this journey I have been very strong, I knew I had a tough battle ahead and I was not ready to lose the fight.  I kept it together as best as I could and I always had a smile on my face with a positive attitude, along with the best husband I could've asked for.

The breast cancer battle is over Franca 1 - Breast Cancer 0. Ironically I believe that breast cancer will always have a little win over me, it has instilled the fear of recurrence.

I always said that if I could help just one woman I will do it in a heartbeat. This is not an easy journey, the people that surround you and support is very important. The most important, only someone who has gone through it can truly understand it.

Love you all for your support

Franca

3 Months Post Chemo

I sit here in this waiting room once again, 3 months ago I completed my chemotherapy regimen and today is my oncology follow up. I feel nauseous and my stomach is in a tight knot, I look around and once again I am the youngest person in the waiting room. I am wondering how the others are feeling, if they are just starting their journey or if they have finished.

I remember the first time sitting in this waiting room and thinking that I did not belong there, I was 40 years old and way too young to have breast cancer. I had a husband, daughter and family to think about out, there was no time to think that I may die from this, the only thoughts I had were that I was going to beat this.

So now, 6 months to the day after I began my first chemotherapy I want to smile and shout in the waiting room that I beat Cancers Ass, that I was able to fight and win. Maybe a little selfish, the outcome is not the same for everyone, there are many women and men who fight their butts off and still loose the battle. Then I start to question why me, I was able to survive while another little girl and husband loose the love of their lives and tears the family to shreds, survivors guilt is what they call it.

Blood tests are done and now I wait for the oncologist to call me into his office.  The results are revived right away by the doctor.  My name is called and my husband and I walk into the room with a lump in our throats. Dr. B is so patient and takes the time to listen to your questions and concerns, I had a few.

After the chemotherapy that landed me in the hospital I began to experience lots of pain in my hands, arms and legs. The pain has not gotten better since completing chemo, there are days where I cannot tolerate the pan I my fingers or shoulders, getting dressed is very difficult at times due to the pain in my shoulders. There is obviously some inflammation caused by the radiation therapy but I may have developed arthritis due to chemo, I will be seeing a rheumatologist  for more testing. Also, lets not forget the forced menopause which is a nightmare...hot, cold, happy, sad, mad.....wow.

I was afraid to ask him about the blood test results, I did not want to hear that there was something not right.  I was thrilled when he said that all of my blood work came back normal and that he was pretty sure that I can put this journey behind me.....easier said than done.

The past ten months I have trying to be strong for my husband, my daughter, my family and friends, I was dealing with the devastation s best I knew how to, I had my moments of anger and tears but lots in solitude, not to scare my husband....I had to show I was strong but inside I was lost.  Well ten months later and my security blanket is gone, no more daily doctors, nurses, blood tests follow ups, they are always just a phone call away and my follow ups are every three months. Every pain, every headache, every change is a terrifying feeling for me....I am now realizing what just happened to me, sounds cray I know but quite common according psychologists, we are so focused on treatment and getting better that sometimes we don't really absorb what is happening until it's all over.

I am not ashamed to say that I asked my oncologist for a referral to see a psychologist, I need to be able to learn how to cope with everything. I woke up one morning and found a lump in my left breast and it changed my life forever....I need to learn how to accept that change and embrace life.

Being a breast cancer survivor is great and an amazing feeling, but it is also the scariest feeling in the world.

Love you all, especially my rock
Franca

Pamper Me Pink Event - BRA Day

October 19 is Breast Reconstruction Awareness Day. I had no idea something like this existed, and honestly I am not sure that if I was not struck with breast cancer I would still not know about it. That is just how life works, we learn and acknowledge the things that regard us, selfish maybe but reality. 

Breast reconstruction after a lumpectomy or mastectomy is a very difficult decision to make. There is not much information out there without having to meet with the plastic surgeons and almost relive your cancer all over again every time you have to tell your story. Us women want to be able to search the web and find support groups and information panels so that we can gather enough information without feeling ashamed or hurt but the reality. 

There are women who embrace their new bodies, they see it as a victory and then there are those who see it as a reminder of what was taken and why. Time can heal all wounds but I strongly believe that a wound can heal beautifully but it will never be forgotten. 

Last night at this event held at Avanti Le Spa, we were offered a variety of complementary services. I had a mini facial done by a wonderful woman, there was music, food and drinks and most importantly the speakers. There were 2 renowned plastic surgeons, Dr. Karl Shwarz and Dr. Omar Fouda Neel explaining the advancements in breast reconstruction surgery, the various methods and the reality behind it. 

Nalie Augustin a motivational speaker and breast cancer survivor, I may be a little biased, I am a loyal follower of her blogs. She was my reason for starting this blog, her blogs gave me the understanding of what breast cancer was from the eyes of a survivor. 

There were others as well, the founder of BRCA Sisterhood, another breast cancer advocate, phychiatrist, nutritionist and others. It was information overload but a great informative event. 

These events are important, they bring together a community of women that are all in the same or similar situation who can relate to one another and truly understand each other. 

 

Thank you Melissa for organizing this event, it has opened my eyes a little more on what is out there. 

Franca😘

The final stretch....21-25

So I have reached the final stretch of my radiation treatment with only 5 left, I did it 25 treatments. Everyday for 5 weeks I told myself I was almost done.  The skin under the arm is now burnt to the 2nd degree as well as all of my chest area and neck on the left side. Painful is an easy way of putting into words what I feel. I said to my husband that I feel like a dragon is blowing fire onto my body. My doctor informed me that the radiation burn will continue to get worse for 7-10 after treatment is completed and then slowly begin to get better, my skin should start to look normal again in a few months time.

I am so relieved that my final treatment has arrived and this will soon be a horrible dream. I wish that were the case but yes I have reached the finish line with a victory, but this nightmare will never be forgotten. I was filled with so many emotions at the hospital,  I was so happy I wanted to do the dance of joy from excitement. I then thought of all the women who were still going through treatment and to those who will not win this fight 😔, and When my technologist said to me, this is it you are done......I said thank you, walked out of the room and went crying into my husbands arms. I could not believe that it was over and that I was given a second chance.  I thank God everyday for giving me and my family the strength to have gotten through this, to have blessed me with a husband who suffered along my side through every appointment, treatment, side effects and lots tears.....I love you beyond words. 

I have many emotions going on right now and some are easier to deal with than others, one day at a time I can now try to begin to heal. The last 11 months have been a roller coaster and I feel like I am just getting off it and I can't get my. balance. 

Thank you all a million times for your support, love, words of encouragement, faith and lots of prayers. 

This blog is not over, my cancer may be gone but I still have lots to let you all know.....more follow-ups and I will constantly remind you all that self Breast exams are so very important, it saved my life. 

Love you all

💕💕💕💕

CIBC Run for the Cure 2016

For many years I have heard of the run for the cure that is held every year for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. In the past years I have donated to help support friends and their families but I have never joined in the walk. 

In December I was diagnosed with breast cancer, something we never fathom having to go through. A little hypocritical maybe but I decided that this year I would walk for a cure. It is so true that you never truly know what it's like until you walk in someone's shoes or see a close friend or family member suffer through it. I can say that the shoes I have been walking in since December 2015 have been hell. I now can truly say that I understand how it feels to have no breasts, the horrible side effects of chemo and the painful burning and blistering of radiation, the fear of recurrence.  It makes you truly wake up and say to yourself that something needs to be done. 

Millions of dollars are raised each year and we often wonder why don't we have a cure. Well only 10-15 years ago there were many more women dying from breast cancer, the awareness was less and the fact of speaking openly of mammograms and breasts was much more taboo. Today 1 in 9 women will be diagnosed with some form of breast cancer. I am hoping that one day those numbers will disappear. Today we speak openly and freely of any concerns we may have, we are more open to mammograms and talking to our doctors, we do self breast exams without feeling awkward about touching and feeling our breasts. My self breast exam saved my life.

On October 2, 2016, myself along with 15 of my friends and family alongside my rock, walked 5km to help continue research into this dreadful disease. This was my first walk and it was an amazing experience. I was randomly chosen to go on stage an represent being a breast cancer survivor, it was bitter sweet.  While I was standing there along with 5 other breast cancer survivors, I thought about how many woman had lost their battle and how many other women will have to go through this battle. I was honored that through today's technology, treatment and resources I was able to beat Breast cancer. 

I would like to thank my team and say that I was humbled by all of your hard efforts into making this 1st event something that I will cherish for all my life with amazing memories.  Our initial team goal was $1500, with all of the support of friends and family and personal donations we raised a total of $5772.00.....to next year.

Thank you 

Breasts 4 Life

Radiation 15 - 20

Another 5 treatments done and my skin is getting very irritated. Saw my nurse and she tells me that my skin looks beautiful in comparison to other patients. I am going to do the happy dance on October 11 in the radiation oncology room, then I will probably break down in tears of joy. It will all be over soon. 

I am so close to the finish line that the light gets brighter everyday. I went into this battle with a mindset of coming out a winner. There were days that were really bad, those were the days that I knew I had to fight with everything I had left in me and I did. 

All of your kind words of encouragement and love has helped me get through bad days, my husband and daughter will always be my rocks and my family always there when I needed them, sometimes without asking. 

Thank you 

Franca💞💞

Radiation 8-14

As much as it seemed that my radiation would last a lifetime, 25 was so far away. I am happy to say that I have completed 14 of 25 treatments. Going to the hospital everyday for a 20 minute appointment is a pain in the but, it's almost over. 

I must admit I really expected it to be bad by this point but I guess I can count my lucky stars that it's not so bad. My skin looks like I have the beginnings of a sunburn, my skin is sensitive and itchy but thankfully no blisters. The fatigue is not so bad, some days are better then others, but all in all not so bad. 

I am so happy that I am seeing a clearer light to the finish line. After all these months of agony and fear, it is almost over and I will reach the finish line a winner. 

Keep you posted on the final stretch of my battle. 

Love you all

Franca😘😘😘😘

Radiation 1-7

I thought i would give you all a very quick update since I have started and completed 7 of 25 radiation treatments. 

Well so far so good, the actual treatment is at the most 7 minutes long, the arms get tired of being in the same position and of course everything itches when you cannot move. The machine rotates around me and shoots out the radiation to my breast, underarm and neck areas. 

My skin is now starting to get a little red and itches, like a very mild sunburn, the key is to keep the skin extremely hydrated, there is not too much fatigue. It's a pain in the but that I have to go everyday to the hospital, but it's almost over. This seems to be a breeze as compared to chemotherapy, would never want to go through that again. 

I will continue to keep you posted.....

Love you all..

Franca

Radiation Therapy........ 25 rounds.....here I go.....

Once again I am in a position of the unknown, as human beings we always want to be aware and in control of our lives.  The reality is that at times we have no control over what happens and what follows.  

Today I begin what I pray is to be the final step in my treatment for my breast cancer.  I begin 25 rounds of daily radiation therapy.  It was great to be treatment free for the past 5 weeks, my hair is growing back as well as my eyebrows, they all seem to be coming in with a vengeance (lol).  I am looking forward to a normalcy to life to once again with no treatments, medications and side effects.  

How will life be after all this turmoil, who knows, will it ever be normal again, what is normal....

How can anything be normal again, I went to bed one day in November 2015 a healthy 40 year old and woke up the next day with a lump in my breast which was breast cancer.  How can anything be normal after that.  I cannot say how my life will be after going through all this, I can say that I will try my best to not allow it to take over my life. 

One day at a time is all we can all do in life, we all have ups and downs in our lifetime no matter how big or small, I believe that how we manage them and come out stronger is what is important. There will be days and trust me I have had many and still do, that are rough and tough and we become bitter and angry, and I strongly believe that it is a part of healing. Not sure how long it takes someone to get over the fact that cancer took so much away and maybe it never gets better but we learn to live with it. I would be a hypocrite if I said I have learned to live with it, no I am still very bitter and angry but I also have good days and I am extremely thankful of my outcome and being able to have beat cancer, many people are not so fortunate, and survivors guilt is very difficult also. 

So today I will walk in to the radiation room and yet again fight this battle with my head high and say to myself I will get through this no matter how ugly it can get. 

Thank you all so much for standing by me and supporting me in my fight. Most of all thank you to my husband for always being by my side. 

A little reminder, my team and I will be walking 5kn for the CIBC RUn for for the Cure on October 2, please help my team and donate to a cause that is my reality. 

Team: Breasts4life

Love 

Franca 

Round 1 is completed, not so bad. Feels just a little hot on the surface. Will keep you all posted with the next 24. 

Break Over - Radiation RDV

So here we are, once again at the CICL, this time around it will be for radiation therapy. I have already met with my radio-oncologist Dr. Gary Mok as well as his team. The appointment was very thorough and informative, they each explained the procedure and the possible side effects. As for the side effects, what scares me the most is the blistering, basically radiation is like a really bad sunburn over time. Also, they explained that there is fatigue involved, like being at a beach all day in the sun. Honestly, I would rather be soaking in the beach rays then have to come to the hospital everyday for 5-6 weeks for treatment. this is my last hurdle for treatment and I will jump over it with another victory and a gold medal🎖

I just saw Dr. Mok again and went over the possible side effects as to damage or scarring to the heart, lung and thyroid. The risks are low but there is always a risk, being a spring chicken at 41 is what makes my chances less likely for repercussions, lucky me😜. Now we wait again for me to go in for my scan and to size me for the pillow, whatever that means, I will inform you once it is done. They will mark my breast area, underarm and clavicle to be sure that no other areas are affected by the radiation therapy. This is yet another scary hurdle, I guess the unknown is always a little scary, but I have the best hand to hold during my fear, my rock, my husband.  

The pillow sizing went very well, basically it is a plastic pillow filled with a sand like substance. They place me on it with my arms over my head and make sure that it hugs me and it takes a mold of me. That will be used during every radiation session, to be sure that I am always in the same exact position. They then proceeded to mark me and gave me 6 tiny little permanent markers that I will have as a reminder of my journey. The scan will be verified by my oncologist and be sure that all the markers are ready and willing to receive the radiation in the next 2 weeks. 

They really need to do something with the ugly hospital gowns....😘

Love you all

Franca

6 of 9 Taxol = chemo # 12 LAST CHEMO "survivor"

Last Tuesday July 26, 2016 I received my last chemotherapy treatment. Yeahhhhhhh, reason for celebration.

- I did it, I beat the beast inside me............

- chemo was tough but I was definitely tougher..........

- I HAD cancer, it didn't have me............

I walked into the cancer center that morning with a smile on my face, not only because it was my last chemotherapy treatment but because I was a "survivor".  My husband surprised me with a beautiful poster that he made on his own, that I proudly brought me to the hospital that morning. 

I have fought hard since that dreadful day December 30, 2015 when I heard the words that I had Breast Cancer. There were some very difficult decisions that I had to make, but for me they were the right ones, it was going to be a fight and I needed to brace myself for it. 

This is my timeline:

November 22, 2015.......... I discovered a lump on my left breast

November 23, 2015.......... Went to see my GP and he scheduled Mammogram & Ultrasound

November 26, 2015.......... Mammo and ultrasound done

November 30, 2015...........Results show a mass and a biopsy to be done ASAP

December 9, 2015.............Breast Biopsy done......waited 3 weeks for results of the inevitable 

December 30, 2015...........Stage 2, Grade1 invasive lobular carcinoma ( Breast Cancer) 

In the next two weeks there were a battery of blood tests, scans, MRI, bone test, ultrasounds and another biopsy on the other breast. 

Results - NON METASTATIC Breast Cancer.......Thank GOD, it did not spread beyond the lymph nodes

This is where the decisions had to be considered and made, let's just say I didn't have very long to decide, things had to start moving quickly.  

January 20, 2016..........1st meeting with my oncologist, with complete pathology report of the biopsy 

January 25, 2016..........decision made to have a dbl mastectomy with the breast surgeon 

February 12, 2016.........lost both my breast to the beast living inside of me, hardest part of this journey 

March 10, 2016.............met with the oncologist to decide chemo options

March 23, 2016 - May 4, 2016 ........1st protocol 3 chemo treatments = 1 every 3 weeks 😔

May 25, 2016 ...............2nd protocol 1 treatment = 3 x Taxol......hospitalized for 4 days😷

June 14, 2016...............oncologist decided a change was required and switch to Taxol weekly

June 21, 2016 - July 26, 2016 .......... Received 6 of the 9 Taxol treatments😔

July 25, 2016 ................ Declared officially CANCER FREE😀

It's been a very long and exhausting journey with so many tears and uncertainty, but the thing that kept me going was my husband and my daughter.  I feared the worst but told myself that I am stronger, I cried and still do but then look in the mirror and tell myself, I can do this.  This is a Journey that nobody every dreams of having to face, once faced with it you charge at it with full force. 

I would love to say that it is over, but I am on a little break right now for 4 weeks. I will be doing about 4-5 weeks of daily radiation therapy starting in September. The beast inside me took a little trip into 3 of the 11 lymphnode that were removed, so this being said they will burn the hell out of my underarm area to be sure that it is all dead. That I will deal with when I get there.

So for now I will try to enjoy the next 4 weeks of break from treatment, I will need to heal from all the pain and water retention that I am presently having.  

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and support throughout my journey.

Love you all

Franca

5 of 9 Taxol - chemo #11

Last Tuesday I received my 5th round of Taxol, with my husband by my side. 

Every round is getting harder and harder, the pain in my legs increases every time, the soreness in my arms, numbing and tingling in my hands and feet and worse of all, the swelling. I feel like a pregnant woman, by the end of the night I can no longer see my ankles.  I have put on almost 20 pounds from water retention due to the drugs, but knowing this will almost be over will be worth every pound. It can and will be lost...

I am almost at the finish line of chemotherapy and can put it behind me. It will be like a bad dream that I woke up from as a winner. 

Today is the day that I found out if tomorrow will be my last chemo or if I will need 3 more treatments. 

This has been a long journey and I still have a way to go, but I have fought every step of the way. 

The love and support of my husband, daughter, family and friends is what kept me fighting. Giving up was never contemplated, no matter how hard the decisions were and no matter how hard they are to live with. 

Live...Love...Laugh

Love

Franca 

3 and 4 of 9 Taxol

Hello to all, I am a little behind in my update on my treatments. My treatments are weekly so there is not much that changes or at least that is what I thought. 

Treatment 1 and 2 of Taxol were a breeze, I was out of commission on the day of the treatment but the day after I was up and feeling pretty good. Pain was minimal and very few side effects. 

By treatment 3 of Taxol the pain in my legs began to increase slowly. When I would lie down or sit for a period of time, getting up was starting to become difficult. I can describe it as a burning sensation that runs in my thighs and calves, making it a little difficult to walk. The pain would subside and was tolerable. As the days go by the pain increases slightly and with the 4th infusion of Taxol today I am afraid that it will get worse. 

I will not complain, this is still much easier than Taxotere that 1 treatment equivalent to about 3 Taxols landed me in the hospital. This not comparable, but it is very discomforting. 

I am hoping that I am almost done. On July 25th I will see my oncologist who will decide if I will be done with my chemo treatments on July 26 at 6 Taxol plus whatever I had already done between the FEC-D and Taxotere (Docetaxel), that will give me a total 12 chemo treatment, or I will have to go until the end with 3 extras for a total of 15. 

At this point I want to do what is best and if that is 15 then that is what I will do. I will do or try anything to be sure that this cancer does not come back, and that myself or my family does not have to go through this agony again. 

Cancer is invasive and destructive. It takes away your self confidence and your dignity, although it has made me stronger than I have ever been. It has also made me realize plenty about life, family and friends. No matter how many people I have behind me, routing me on and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.  This is my fight and I am the only one who has to be strong enough to fight this, with all the ones who truly want to be by my side. 

So thank you to my husband, I don't know why I would've done without him, he has taken on a role that no man should have to do. He has been amazing with me through this whole mess. My daughter who always brings a smile to my face and for whom I fight everyday. My mom who who hurts so much for me and never shows it. She is amazing with my daughter and everything she does for her and for us. My friends who are by my side physically or just a phone call, text, fb message and of course to family that has been by our sides, made the time or taken the effort to support us thought this terrible time in our lives. 

Love you all so much

2 of 9 Taxol

I received my 2nd taxol treatment on June    28, 2016.  Another round of poison entering my body to get rid of the bitch that decided to take over my breast without hesitation. I may sound a little harsh but sometimes I think to myself how wrong this is on so many levels. This disease enters your body without warning and by the time you figure it out it's too late and a part of you is gone and nothing can ever bring it back.   But I can say that no matter how sick, how much pain and all the other side effects of the chemo, I will come out the winner in the end. 

Round 2 was pretty much like the first one, I am so tired on the chair that I fall asleep throughout the treatment and when I get home I am out for a few more hours. Although I don't have the nausea this time around, my fingers and toes hurt, I have insomnia, my legs and arms hurt all the time, my fingernails are so sensitive and the mood swings and heat flashes are unbearable. So all in all chemo sucks hard, but at least I am not in a hospital bed with infection and fever again. 

At 40 years old being told you have breast cancer and that both breasts will be removed, you have to do chemo and then radiation is basically your whole world crumbling down on you. What I had to do is slowly get myself out of that rubble and try to breath and tell myself that this will be the fight of my life and that I will be a "survivor"

Everyday is a struggle in every sense of the word, not sure if it's the menopause but my emotions are a roller coaster. Looking in the mirror is a still like a bad dream for me, and many times I will cry on my own, not for what I lost but for how I lost it.  People say don't worry you can have them reconstructed. For many years I wanted breast augmentation and would've done it without hesitation, now it is reconstruction and it's a whole different ball game. Everything changes and nothing will be the same. 

Don't take anything for granted, in a heartbeat it can be gone. 

Franca

💞😘

1 of 9 Taxol

I received my new chemo treatment last Tuesday June 21 and I must say it was a lot easier than I expected. 

When I arrived I met with my nurse where she settled me into my lazyboy and began to explain the pre-meds that would be given prior to the actual poison. I was given Decadron, a steroid med to help with a possible allergic reaction as well as nausea and vomitting from the chemo. The 2nd med was Zantac also to help prevent acid reflux and lastly a heavy dose of Benadryl for a possible reaction to the poison. I was informed that the side effect from Benadryl was sleepiness, let me tell you it knocked me out for the entire treatment. 

I guess I expected the worst since my last treatments were pretty hard on me. I was tired when I got home, so I slept it off. No nausea was a first for me and it was great, the metal taste in the mouth was not so bad and the body soreness that I already had has not increased and remained stable. 

I was amazed at how I bounced back so quickly. I was feeling great and energetic and I was happy and relieved that my daughter or husband did not have to see me helpless in a bed for the next 7-10 days, like with the past treatments. 

I hope and pray that the next 8 treatments will be just as easy. 

Another misconception that I had was that I assumed that with chemo comes weight loss, I was wrong. I lost almost 15 pounds from the moment I found the lump in November 2015 to my first treatment in March 2016.  Let me tell you with all the poison and extra meds including steroids, and the forced menopause, the weight has all come back. I guess I will take the weight for now as long as this poison rids me of me cancer. I will worry about the weight loss after I am done with all my treatments. 

Thank you

Franca

Game Plan Change 😔

What a long morning, had my blood test appointment at 945am and passed at almost at 11am and waited until 12pm to see my doctor. It is dreadful sitting in the waiting room full of cancer patients and each chit chatting about their experiences. I sit here and selfishly think why me, but I gues why not me. Cancer has no boundaries and no limits, so we fight everyday to break the boundaries and limits. 

From my last post on my new treatment that landed me in the hospital with excruciating pain and infection, after 3 weeks my legs are still very sore and keep me up most of the night. It was a bitch of a treatment. 

When I finally got to see my oncologist today he was well aware of the hospital stay and all the side effects. He said that I was one of the rare ones with the extreme pain and infection. I was very honest with him and told him it was more than I was able to handle. My body aches so much that I could not imagine what the next 2 treatments would be like. 

Dr. B offered me an alternative, to switch my treatment from Docetaxel to Taxol. The only thing is that with Docetaxel I would have 2 left and I would be done with chemo, with Taxol I will have to do 9 treatments, one per week. My concern was effectiveness and Dr. B assured me that it is as effective, with no pain, no $3000 Neulasta injection which causes even more muscle pain, and that in the end the result is the same, to destroy the cancer cells. My husband and I went back and forth on my options and my decision was to opt for the 9 treatments. So in the end instead of finishing my chemo on July 6, 2016 I will complete it on August 16, 2016. 

As happy as I was to know that I would soon be done with the chemo poison, the thought of having to go through the pain again was terrifying, and it also has a big impact on my family. When I see my daughter come home from school and the first place she looks is my bedroom because I am dead to the world, is not something I can swallow very easily.  No child or spouse should ever have to see their parent that way. 

So with a smile on my face I will endure the next 9 weeks of chemo and I will continue to fight. 

Franca

💞😘

ER Visit.....pain, pain and more pain

On May 25th I had my 4th of 6 chemotherapy treatments.  I went into this new treatment knowing the possible side effects of muscle pain as wel as the added side effects from the Neulasta injection which would increase the amount of muscle pain in the back and lower legs. Well let me tell you, I never thought it would land me in the hospital for 4 days with high fever and excruciating pain.

My Neulasta injection was on Friday May 27, this injection is given to boost my white blood cells after my chemo treatment. When I woke up on Saturday morning I felt like I was hit by a train, my entire body ached with soreness, although it was manageable I only took Tylenol to help ease the pain. I was on the sofa all day and managed to get out a little at night. Sunday was worse, the lower back pain and leg pains were unbearable in the morning, took more tylenols and more tylenols and they were not doing the job. Also, I realized that I had developped thrush in my mouth, this is a build up of yeast caused by medications. My tongue was white and swollen causing a little difficulty to swallow.  By Monday morning I called the oncology clinic and informed them of the pain as well as the thrush and they called in to my pharmacy for antibiotic as well as morphine for the pain. Late Monday afternoon I began to get cold chills and did not think it was something good.  When you are in chemo a temperature of 38.3 is cause for an immediate emergency room visit.  I decided to wait it out for the night and see if it would go away, and of course it did not so off to the ER I went on Tuesday with temperature at 39 when I got to the hospital. 

When I got to the ER they were amazing, I was quickly triaged and placed on a bed to wait for a doctor to see me. The wait was minimal and I was quickly placed in isolation to avoid further risk of infection. At this point the point the pain was so bad that I was asking for pain meds regularly, I was on morphine every 2 hours to help relieve some of the pain.  It was a very scary and difficult time, I was worried about myself, my daughter, my husband who was amazing and going back and forth to take care of Olivia and send her off to school every day. My mom was preparing meals and lunches for Olivia while my husband was by my side in the hospital during the day time, she is a saviour. 

After almost 3 days of fever finally it was gone and the results were a bacteria from my thrush has gotten into my blood stream through my eusophagus.  Crazy shit if you ask me but chemo just burns through everything, therefore there was no protection for the bacteria to stay contained. I am very lucky that they were quick with antibiotic and the constant poking and prodding, thanks for the black and blue arms...but I am back to myself and feeling good again and for that I am eternally greatful. 

My next treatment is June 15 and I pray that I will not go through the same side effects.  So in the meantime I am enjoying my days of feeling good and taking it easy on the not so good days and being greatful for everyday that I wake up and enjoy another day with my family.

Being stuck in a bed for almost 5 days was horrible and thanks to those who sent messages, called and came to visit me. 

Love you all

Franca

Chemotherapy #4 - New Cycle

So yesterday was my 1st treatment of my second cycle of chemotherapy, this poison is Docetaxel. Should I start with the list of side effects of this poison, just the fact that I have to keep my fingers and toes in ice the entire time is enough to know that something is not good, do this or I risk loosing my nails, at most they should only get dark and fragile. So no manicures or pedicures, no polish but if you know me there is no way that my toes will not be polished for the next 6 weeks..http://chemocare.com/chemotherapy/drug-info/docetaxel.aspx

Once again with my husband by my side taking care of the ice packing on my feet, making sure that I don't get frost bite and just being there with me is always a blessing.  Also I was so happy to have had my long time friend Mary by my side, who decided to enlighten me with old pictures of us from high school. Our friendship is one of 28 years, although we may not always see each other or talk on a daily basis we know that we are always there for each other. This type of friendship is rare and I am so lucky to have 2 women in my life, Mary and Nadia for all these years, they have always been there to sit with me and eat cheesecake like the Golden Girls we were and will always be. Thank you Mary, with all my heart. 

Today was not so bad, just as to be expected some fatigue but grateful that there is no nausea with this cycle, I am on cortisone for the next few days so the doctor says that I am covered for the side effects until Saturday. What they are expecting is bone and muscle pain along with others which may or may not occur, I was told not to hesitate to take Tylenol or Advil, need be they will prescribe me morphine because the pain can be very intense. At this point all I am feeling is pressure in my lower back and thighs. Let's just say I am not looking forward to this, after speaking to many women who have endured this treatment, all said the pain was quite intense. 

With this treatment comes the famous $3000 injection of Neulasta, I will receive it tomorrow to boost my white blood cells, my soldiers that need to fight off infection. I was also told that this injection also has side effects of lower back pain, sure just pack it on, I can handle it, after all I have gotten this far I only have 2 more treatments. I never want to have to deal with chemotherapy again. 

As always, thank you to my followers for all your thoughts, kind words of encouragement and prayers.

Franca 

💕💕💕

Ps.  Don't forget, I will walk the 5k Run for the Cure, so please go on my page and donate or join my team to walk.

Team Name:  Breasts 4 Life

5k Walk - Breasts 4 Life - Run for the Cure

You all know by now that I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer in December 2015.  I have undergone a double mastectomy in February 2016 and have completed 3 of 6 rounds of chemo therapy.  After all of this I will have to undergo 5 weeks of radiation therapy because 3 of the 11 lymphnodes removed were positive for cancer.

I will never forget hearing the words in the doctors office on the dreadful day of December 30, 2015, when he told me and my husband that I had Breast Cancer. Words that no matter how delicately it is said to you, they are like a time bomb going off in your head, heart and soul. No man or woman should have to ever hear those words. 

This year my husband and I have decided that we will walk the 5km CIBC Run for the Cure on October 2, 2016. This event will bring together thousands of strangers, friends and family who are all there for one reason, and this to raise funds for research, early prevention, diagnosis, treatment and care.  Every 1 in 9 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer, it can be you, your mother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, daughter and the list can go on. We all say or think, just like i did, it won't happen to me, or it can't happen to me.  Well, it could and it did happen to me at 40 years old and in the prime of my life, it suddenly came crashing down on me. 

Together our goal is to raise a minimum on $1500.00 but the maximum is unlimited, together with our team we will walk rain or shine and stand by one another with the thousands of other walkers and runners and stand strong against Cancer.

So please any amount can help with this dreadful disease.

You can look up my team at CIBC Run for the Cure, my team name is Breasts 4 Life and make a donation. 

Thank you all in advance for your donations. 

Team Breasts 4 Life

No more bad hair days...lol

Today I made a decision, I was tired of looking like a newborn with peach fuzz on my head. To top it all off the hair that was left was all white, I guess that will be interesting when it grows back after my treatments. 

Throughout my treatments and diagnosis I have always tried to be in control as much as possible. I decided that cancer would not come back in my breast, so I decided they would both come off. Before my chemo started I decided to cut my beautiful locks short to make the impact lighter.  Well then I decided to shave it short from the pain of it falling out. Today I decided enough was enough and shaved the rest of it off.

It was very hard for me to hold back tears as I looked at myself in the mirror with shaving cream all over my head and my husband with the razor helping me shave the back of my head. An image that one never wants to imagine never mind actual live through.  Never in a million years did I ever imagine something like this and it is moments like this that grow us closer together. I love him for his strength and the strength that he gives me. I must say it feels liberating and strange at the same time, i will always be one step ahead of this intruder. 

2 weeks post Chemo #3

So this was my final treatment of the 1st phase of my chemotherapy treatments. What can I say, so far the worst side effects since the beginning of this journey. Chemo or poison as I call it, is very nasty and it literally takes over your body, mind and soul. 

This last treatment was very hard on me, I was literally a walking zombie for 7 days straight. It took over my strength, my train of thought, my sleep, my energy and I feel like my head is no longer attached to my body. The fatigue was so intense that I had difficulty speaking, I knew what I wanted to say but the words would not come out or my speech would be slurred and unclear at times. It is so frustrating to be so out of control of your body and frightening at times to think how powerful this drug that runs through my veins is. 

Although the nausea was much better controlled this time around with the new meds, my taste buds are pretty much gone.  Everything that I eat or drink tastes bitter or tasteless, cooking is a little challenging at times but we still manage to eat(lol). I tell myself all these symptoms could've been a lot worse, there are women whom are vomitting all the time.  With me, I am out of commission for 7 days straight and I bounce right back to myself, before the next round of poison will be entering my body. 

The second phase of my final 3 rounds of chemo start on May 25th, and in all honesty I am NOT looking forward to it. My support team is amazing and that is all I need to keep me going....

Chemo treatment #3

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my blog about my unwanted journey with breast cancer!!!

Yesterday was my last treatment of phase 1 of my chemotherapy, I had my husband whom is my rock and my mom my other rock with me. This was the first treatment that she came to with me and I am sure that it was the hardest thing for her to do, she is so strong and an amazing support to us, not sure what I would do without her.  It hit me so hard with fatigue that I knocked out on the lazy boy and fell asleep during my treatment. A change in medication for my nausea was done and it seems to help a little better than the last time.  At lease the 2nd phase of chemo does not cause nausea, that is something I will not miss. 

The fatigue is something  that can only be described as my body being taken over by sleep all the time.  I can be sitting on a chair or watching tv and I will instantly fall asleep. My body is so tired and out of my control at times that I need to hold on when I get up to gain by equilibrium back. I am just so happy that I am halfway through my chemo treatments.  

The second phase of my chemotherapy also consists of 3 treatments every 3 weeks for 9 weeks.  The next part involves taking medication by mouth the day before the treatment 2 times a day, the day of and the following 3 days. The reason for this is because the chemo meds can cause an allergic reaction, water retention, therefore region in the legs and feet as well as a build up in the lungs. Also, one of the key side effects of the dexotaxotele is moderate to extreme joint and muscle pain, in this case they will provide me with small doses morphine if necessary. Along with all this I must inject myself with Neulasta 24-48 hours after every treatment, this will help build my immune system and help fight away infection. Best part of this is that it is not covered by Medicare, so we ask the price and it is between $2500 a $3000 per injection times that by 3injections and that is a lot of money. I immediately contact my group insurance and God bless them, the injections are covered at 100%. Brought my prescription to the pharmacy and asked them what the fee was, and of course $2891.00 each injection. There are other options, with the RAMQ I would have to do a different injections 1 a day for 7- 10 days or an organization would pay for the balance should I have only had 80% coverage. 

I guess they really do make lots of money on sick people, and this is why I strongly believe that they will never admit yo having a cure foe any cancer.

Cancer Sucks, I hate chemotherapy

Thank you all for your words of love and encouragement. 

To my husband, please bare with me the next 7-10 days, I love you more...

2 weeks post 2nd Chemo

Well, 2 down and 4 more to go.....

What can I say, it is rough and nasty and no one should have to go through this kind of physical and emotional torture. I must say that this 2nd treatment was very hard on me, it started in the chair while i was receiving my last drip for 1 hour, the fatigue kicked in so quick it sucker punched me. It was a feeling of not being in control of my body, complete exhaustion and the nausea, well that is something that just takes over. As soon as I got home from the treatment I literally knocked out for a few hours and felt helpless.  The feeling of nausea and exhaustion last about 7-10 days and then I am back to myself before the next round. 

A feeling of helplessness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, almost complete hair loss, anger, pain, the loss of a part of my body, a part of myself.....all this, thanks to BREAST CANCER, well you know what FUCK YOU CANCER and you will not win. As hard and as painful as this journey is I will not let Cancer win. I will NOT allow Cancer take over my life. 

Chemo therapy is something that no one will ever understand unless they go through it.  I saw my dad die of cancer and it was a horrible part of my life, I always said that it is a disease that takes over your body, I will fight with everything that I have for my life and my world...

This journey is definitely not an easy one, I am an emotional wreck at times and I unload on my husband and he does not deserve it.  He is so patient and so loving and is the best husband and friend I could've asked for, I am sorry for my outbursts, my tears, my craziness and everything we as a family are going through, all I can say is Thank You For loving Me.....😉

I am happy that by the next chemo session I will be halfway done......

ladies, please do not take anything for granted and always trust your instinct. Sunday is May 1st so as my inspiration Nalie Agustin lives by #feelitonthefirst. 

A 2 minute self examine can save your life, early detection is key......

Love you all

Franca

My Rock, my everything, my life.....

Almost 16 years ago when I met my then boyfriend I would never have ever imagined a life so filled with roller coaster rides. In life we never know what will be, but when we choose our significant others there are reasons behind them.....

Going on 14 years married and I can openly say that it has been a roller coaster in many aspects.  I don't believe that any marriage is perfect, and if someone tells you so, they are living in a bubble. Our journey or test of love as I call it began almost 11 years ago when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Little did we know what a ride we would be headed in, one that no parent ever imagines. We were having our first child, a beautiful little girl, we had so many expectations, hopes and dreams and many of them were shattered.  We began with doctors and specialists at the mere age of 3 months old, heart surgery, epilepsy, developmental delays, intellectual disability, surgeries and so so many hospital stays....many years of tears and frustration, but my rock never left my side and always stood by our daughters side. I can understand how easy it can be for a relationship to fall apart and many times the option of running seems like the only option. Many hopes of what could've been and how life would've been, but our daughter has come so far and she is the light of both of our eyes, and we are so proud of her and all her accomplishments, no matter how big or small. 

Just when we thought life was beginning to settle into our normal we get hit by the cancer bomb. My diagnosis came as a shock to myself as well as my husband, it was a lot to take in and process. This was a life altering bomb that hit us, without any warning. My first reaction was fear of death or the unknown, how will he raise our daughter on his own, what will happen and a million other thoughts being processed all at once. The shock was horrible for my husband, I could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes, the same questions that I was asking myself. We can only be so strong for so long, eventually we need to crack and show our emotions and try to deal with them. 

What can I say, once again he is by my side every step of the way, as a husband, father and best friend. During my many changes in appearance lately, as insecure and unattractive I feel right now, he is always ready to let me know how beautiful I am. For being by my side during my side effects of the chemo and not being functional for days while you deal with your own issues. For this I am eternally greatful. It is a crazy journey but it is our journey and together we will get through this. Although I have the cancer, it affects everyone around you one way or another. 

Thank you my love for always being by my side when I knew how easy it would be to run, I love you today, tomorrow and forever. 

Chemo Treatment #2

Cancer asskicking #2 has begun....

The routine is the same, atleast this time I am more aware of what to expect from this dredded treatment. 

I am hoping that the nausea will be better controlled this time around and that the dragon of heartburn will not be back. 

It is still surreal sitting here with my rock by my side and going though this. It is already 4 months since I discovered my lump and since then, all tests and biopsies are done, double mastectomy  surgery is done and now onto round 2 of chemo, only 4 more treatments to go for this part of my fight.  At times I sit and think that this is all a bad dream that I will wake up from, but then reality slaps me in the face when I look in the mirror at the scars across my chest. 

I am extremely thankful for my husband, family and friends that have been by my side since day one, for this I am eternally grateful. I have learned a lot from this experience, some good and some not so good. It is a life lesson on so many levels.  

Hair loss...a brutal reality

When I began my chemo, the doctor said to me that the hair loss would begin about 10 to 15 days after the first treatment. Well, let me tell you he was right on the ball. I had already cut my hair very short to avoid the big lumps of hair falling out with my long hair.  I thought it would make it easier, but OMG the head pain was phenomenal, never did I expect it. The inflammation of the scalp caused by the chemo treatment is what causes the hair follicles to just fall out from the root. The head pain was crazy, it felt as though I had a very tight ponytail and removed it, that feeling that you can't touch your hair or head because it hurts so much. Well, that pretty much summed it up for me for the past week, the pain was so bad I could not put my head down on the pillow, comb my hair and to wash it was almost impossible. 

Yesterday I noticed that suddenly there was lots of hair in my hands, on my pillow, my clothes and it was just falling on its own.  My husband and I went out for dinner and as I was eating I would see my hair falling into my plate, I was so frustrated and nervous by yet another thing that this dam cancer was taking away from me. So, this morning I woke up, had a good cry, got it out of my system and decided it was time to take this into my hands, got my phone spoke to my cousin and she was over and the clippers came out for me and my husband.  Thank you again for all you do for us...love you.

Believe it or not, I actually like the look and so does my husband, daughter and family....

10 days post 1st Chemo

My first chemo treatment, never did I think I would ever utter those words, but life has many surprises for us and this one was mine.

When you have your first treatment, you have no clue what to expect or how you will react. You are given an endless list of possible side effects along with medications in case of the side effects. You are clueless to this reality and obviously we expect the worst to happen. 

The day of the treatment was a hard reality sitting in the chair, but I knew that with my husband by my side I would get through it. 

The day of the treatment I had some nausea and felt a little tired, day 2 I had the energy of a horse.  I thought wow this is great, I am going to get through this with no problem. Day 3 came around and the nausea kicked in full force followed by extreme fatigue and horrible heart burn.  At times the burning was so bad I felt like a dragon, I took my pills but they were not doing the job. I called the the oncology pharmacy at the hospital and they quickly prescribed me another medication to help coat my stomach. When drinking water was becoming almost impossible, I could not go on. I felt as though my head was no longer a part of my body, the fatigue took over my mind and body.  This is nasty shit they are putting into my body, it better kill the fuckers, if there are any sleeping around in me. 

Day by day it has gradually gotten better and today I can say that I feel like myself again, somewhat.  I am glad that my treatments are every 3 weeks, not sure how I would handle the weekly or bi-weekly treatments. My hat off to all the men and women out there going through chemo therapy, it is easy for chemo to take over your body and turn you upside down.  We must all fight and be stronger than the disease and all its ailments. 

Again and forever, thank you for following my blog and for your support.

💕💕💕💕

Breast Prosthetics ✔️

Since my surgery in February, a part of my body that was not the biggest and best asset, was taken away from me.  My doctor informed me from the beginning that the option of reconstructive surgery would only be considered at the end of all my treatments, therefore in about a years time.  It was not recommended during my mastectomy, disappointing but at that point I didn't care and all I wanted was for the cancer to be out me. Today almost 7 weeks after my surgery, it is still very hard for me to look in the mirror.  It is a feeling that is hard to explain, but something just came into my body and took over and took my breasts from me, it was a big shock and reality check, a part of me that is gone forever. 

As summer is soon approaching and I think and contemplate on how will I dress and what will look good and what will not look good, I made a decision. It may sound shallow but our body is important to us at any size, shape or form whether we want to admit it or not. I will admit that albeit I was not a very chesty girl I did appreciate what I had but always wanted a little more, how ironic that it was completely taken away in the blink of an eye.  Your self esteem, your confidence or lack of and a part of you is gone and honestly I am not sure if you truly get it back, I guess it is still very soon for me, all is very fresh and the wounds are still healing, emotionally as well as physically. 

Today I had an appointment at Studio Equilibra, the post mastectomy lingerie store that I discovered prior to my surgery. The sales lady was very nice and so respectful towards the comfort zone of being topless in front of her, merci Chantal.   I went today to shop for breast prosthetics so that I could feel somewhat womanly again. My husband was right there by my side as I tried on different sizes and shapes (lol) as he tried to support me and help me decide what to choose. I figured since I was not very chesty to begin prior to my surgery, I could be any size I wanted to be.  I will admit that I did go bigger and I am happy with the outcome, should I decide to have the reconstruction done at the end of this unwanted journey, this is the size I want, after all why not, right.  Therefore, $800 later, thank god for insurance and Medicare paying for portions of it, I have a look of femininity again but not the feel.  Some may think that it is vein and that maybe I should be happy the way I am, honestly when it is not your choice and the choice is made for you, it is a lot harder to accept. 

I truly hope that my openness with my journey can help just one other woman.  

All I can say is ladies, do what your heart tells you and what is best for you. 

Chop chop ✂️✂️✂️✂️

So the inevitable day has arrived, I have begun my chemo, the side effects are up and down, nausea, fatique and fogged brain.  The next step will be hairloss, so before chemo also takes my hair away I decided to take control and have it cut off. 

We made an evening out of it with family and friends and drinks, nanchos and dips followed by coffee and apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Obvioulsly i only had the nachos and dip, a drink would've been great but i will celebrate once my treatments are all over with. 

My husband went first and had his head shaved, he was a little freaked out but honestly i think he looks fantastic. Thank you Gino for always being by my side, i love you to infinity and beyond. So the hair party was going on in my bathroom and my turn was next. I sat in the chair and left it to Angie, she started off by getting rid of so much volume that i had and the nasty fuzziness from not having done anything to my hair in months because i new this would be the outcome. 

I thought I would have been more emotional, nervous or scared but instead i was determined from day one that i would be stronger than cancer. So as she was cutting, we kept deciding shorter and shorter. In the end it is hair, i will loose it and it will grow back. 

It was a great evening surrounded by love, family and friends.  Thank you so much Angie, love you...

Chemo treatment # 1

I am not sure how or where to begin, as the whole experience is so surreal this 1st treatment is terrifying. I am not going to be a super hero and pretend that I am not afraid, it scares the crap out of me. Well, I guess the unknown can be scary for anyone. But my rock is by my side and that gives me great comfort. 

Everyone is extremely nice and caring, they make you feel as comfortable as possible. You take your seat in a somewhat comfortable lazyboy, they ask you a few questions and they begin.  The iv is placed in my hand, a little painful but it can't be worse than surgery....lol. Next the pharmacist comes and gives me my prescriptions for nausea, one of the many side effects of the chemo. Then she proceeded to explain the treatment I am receiving and how wonderful I may feel afterwards (NOT), the hair loss, mouth ulcers, possible vomitting, red urine, fatigue, risk of infection, fever at 38.3 requires an immediate visit to the ER.  Jesus, can it get any worse, no kidding I am freaking out and want to run out of my skin.  But, cancer will not beat me, I will kick its ass....HARD. 

It's 10:25 am and I have taken my first pill for control of nausea and the chemo begins. The first blood red treatment has begun, Epirubicine.  Wow, is all I have to say, the feeling is of disbelief, how can this be happening to me, I am too young for this bastard disease, unfortunately this bastard knows no age. This is freaken burning my vein, imagine what it is doing to my insides, it better kill the bastard if it's hiding anywhere. So now I sit and wait for bag #1 to finish. Done at 10:46am 

Next one, Fluorouacil, I have to start chewing on ice to avoid the next treatment from penetrating into my gums and teeth. It was a quick dose and painless.  Got up to go to the bathroom and then just as fast as it went in, the urine was blood red. Good thing I was aware of the side effect, if not I would have freaked out. The redness will continue for 48-72 hours, so I must drink lots of water in order to flush it out. 

Last one, Cyclophosphamide has begun, should run for about 30 minutes. In the meantime a sweet old man having treatment came to see me and tried to comfort me, that I would be ok and that my beautiful hair would probably fall out but I will be ok, He is the sweetest. So the nurse explains to me that a possible side effect of this med is that I can feel pressure on the bridge of my nose and forehead, like a sinus infection.  All is going well until the last few minutes when the pain struck on the bridge of my nose and forehead, it was like a very strong pressure, no panic, they gave me 2 tylenols and it will relieve the pressure. Next time around the treatment will be stretched over 1 hour instead of 30 minutes. 

So in all honesty the actual treatment is not so bad, the unknown is always worse and terrifying.  Now we wait and see what the side effects will be like and when they will kick in. 

Ass kicking #1 done at 11:50am. 

Wig shopping.....

Today was the day that i went shopping for my wig. As you all know, I will be starting chemo therapy on Wednesday March 23, 2016. So, with this lovely treatment that I will be receiving, one of the many side effects is total hair loss.  I am ready to face this head on and I accept that my hair will fall out, I don't like it but I don't have much of a choice, I choose life over hair. 

So my cousin and I headed to a wig shop Mama Africa, there were so many styles, colors and lengths to choose from.  I would've loved to go blonde or maybe a redhead but reality was I wanted something as close as possible to my natural hair.  Some of you may ask why, but I am doing it for my daughter, I do not want to frighten her with a sudden change.  Therefore I will cut my hair very short, as soon as I get the courage to have my cousin do it, my husband will also shave his head ( love him to pieces). Deciding a new look is great, but when one is forced upon you it is harder to face it.  

The experience of wig shopping was great, I tried on a few, more or less the same style just a little longer or darker, realized that I was not made to have very long hair. When I put on the wig I finally purchased, I just knew it was perfect for me. It was as though it was made for me and looked so natural, I felt comfortable and knew that it was the one, so I bought it. Thank you Angie for all your time and research and always being there. 

After this whole roller coaster of emotions, I decided to go and see the girls at work.  It was great seeing everyone and chit chatting, thank you all for your support. 

So now I am ready to "fight like a girl" and start the next round of my battle.

No more cancer ✔️ Chemo ✔️ Radiation ✔️

As promised in my last post, my appointment this afternoon with my oncologist went as follows:

- All the cancer from the left breast was removed completely, there are no markers left.....great news🙏🏻

- The left breast also had precancerous cells in the ductal part of the breast, so one way or another i was doomed to have breast cancer. 

- the Grade remained the same as a grade 1 cancer, meaning that it is not a cancer that will break apart easily or quickly, it remains contained.

-  11 of my lymph nodes were removed and 3 of them returned positive for cancerous cells.  The good thing is that the lymphatic system tested negative for metastatic cells.🙏🏻

So given all the information and the medical calculations that are made the doctor decided that I will require 6 cycles of chemo therapy, consisting of 3 cycles of:

FEC is a combination of three chemotherapy drugs.

It takes its name from the initials of these drugs:

* 5 fluorouracil (also known as 5FU

* epirubicin

* cyclophosphamide

And the other 2 cycles of:

Docetaxel is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug.  This medication is classified as a "plant alkaloid," a "taxane" and an "antimicrotubule agent."  

Followed by 25 cycles of radiation therapy....basically I am in treatment until about September if all goes well.

So how do I feel about all this, honestly, terrified and grateful to have my husband by my side every step of the way.....the unknown is always scary no mater what it may be.  I hate that I have to go through this and that my family has to go through this with me, but they are my rock and my cheerleading team.  My beautiful locks will be gone soon,  but I know it will grow back, but it is still a hard pill to swallow, scarves will be my new accessories along with a wig, I don't want my daughter to be afraid by the sudden change in me. I am mad 😡and angry 😤and many other things 😥but I guess that is all normal, the emotions that run through you are uncontrollable at times, I guess I need my time to deal and cope with the next step as best I can.  My first chemo treatment will be the week of March 21 and then every 3 weeks after that for 18 weeks. 

When this is all over, I will look back and think.....cancer you f....d with the wrong girl.

Thank you all for following my story and for being a great support, ladies please don't take anything for granted and men also.

Recovery ... Some days better than others

I guess all I can say about my recovery is ouchhhhhh

Since day one of my surgery 4 weeks ago, wow already 4 weeks, it feels just like yesterday that I got the news of my breast cancer. The only way I can describe what I feel is "sunburned" straight across from one side of my body to the other including the back of my arms. The extreme sensitivity is something I did not expect, I expected pain over my sutures but the pain of wearing a sweater or t-shirt was not not something I imagined. Being in a car is slowly getting better, every bump in the road, and there are many this time of year, each one hurts more than the other. Not all days are bad, some are better, but this sensitivity is driving me crazy. Just imagine, I am sure that once in your life you took a little too much sun, remember that feeling when you took a shower and then had to dry yourself and worst of all you have to put clothes on, that is the 24/7 feeling I have. 

I am not sure what I expected, I guess the unknown is always better.  Maybe had I known about all the pain and sensitivity I would have been more reluctant about the surgery, although it was inevitable.   All I can tell you ladies is that try to make the best of it, it is extremely frustrating and the slightest caress hurts like needles, water drops from the shower feel like the jets are on full force. Patience is a virtue, I guess and God knows I don't have much of it at times. 

So tomorrow is the big day......results day!!!!! To be continued......

That time again......#feelthegirls

So ladies and gents also, today is the first of the month so it's that time to take a few minutes out of your busy day and #feelthegirls. 

It takes just a few minutes and then go one with your day. I was inspired by Nalie Augustin and her #feelitonthefirst campaign. She is an amazing and inspirational young woman and breast cancer survivor. 

Remember if it doesn't feel right have it checked, go with your gut, always. This can save your life and early detection is so important. 

New beginnings

My husband and I have been trying to sell our home for about 2 years, a very difficult market at this time.  We made this choice because we have a special needs child and she does not go up or down the stairs, so picking up a 60 pound child day and night and every time we leave the house was becoming very difficult.

The easy part was deciding, ok let's sell the house, not realizing how hard it would be to find something that would suit our daughters needs. We had two main buying points, big shower and no stairs....something very hard to find in a home.  My husband became an Internet junky on the net day and night for months looking for the perfect or at least the best possible home for us.  

In early November my husband discovered a beautiful condo for sale. When he brought it up to me, a condo was the furthest from my mind, I felt that I was still too young, no insult to anyone.  I imagined going into a condo maybe at retirement or close to it, but in life we can never say never.  I agreed to go visit the place and at lease give it a chance, the pictures were beautiful, but we all know that they can at times be deceiving. 

The appointment was made and off we went to the visit on my husbands birthday. As soon as I walked into the entrance I was sold.  The place was beautiful beyond what I had seen in many homes that we visited, we were both in awe and immediately fell in love. The bathroom was berate the for our daughters bath and the Creme de la Creme, NO STAIRS. We continued our visit, thanked them and went down to the lobby.  We immediately made an offer and filled in the paperwork in the lobby, after some back and forth the offer and conditions were accepted.  

We were overjoyed at the possibility of this becoming our new home, but one little issue, we need to sell our home.  In a very competitive market and with several homes for sale on our street and neighborhood, we would have to be really lucky to sell by our conditional deadline of Feb 29, 2016. 

So November came and went, and then my cancer scare began towards the beginning of December. We were so focused on all the testing and appointments that we pushed the home sale to the side a little. A few days before Christmas we got a call for a visit, the visit came and went, the holidays came and went, my breast cancer was confirmed and now we have another issue to deal with. I was going to have surgery and the fear of not being able to care for my daughter was freaking me out, something as simple as putting her to bed, or getting her on and off the school bus would be impossible for 6-8 weeks due to the stairs.  

After the new year we got a call for a second visit, so we crossed fingers and toes that this would work out for us.  The timing could not have been better, but there are so many factors to consider since we had a very tight deadline of February 29, 2016 for our offer at the condo.  Lo and behold we got an offer, with some back and forth negotiations we were amazed at how all fell into place with dates. Someone was looking out for us from above and beyond. 

So I had my surgery on Feb 12, 2016, signed the sale of our home on Feb 22, 2016 and purchased our condo on Feb 26, 2016...3 days short of our deadline.  I guess things can't always go bad, there is a silver lining. 

So after 11 years in our home, we made great friends whom have become family, it was very difficult to leave. Thanks to help of wonderful friends and family, my family is settled into our new place in less than 48hrs. Let's just say that going from a house to a condo after 11 years is not easy but the support team was who made this all possible, or maybe I should say the production line was amazing.  4 weeks after surgery I was finally able to put my daughter to bed tonight thanks to no more stairs 

Thank you to my husband for this beautiful home and for always taking care of us.