Page 1 of a 365 page story

January 2, 2016

The holidays are behind us and I have yet to tell my mom what is going on....:(

It has been a very difficult few days, we have yelled, cried and cried and have yet come to terms with this demon.  But what I keep telling myself and my husband is that I will fight this like a BITCH.

It is so surreal and unimaginable....I feel numb at times, I feel like how can I have this in me and not know or feel anything....I want the bastard out....I am angry and I question God as to why me again...enough is enough.

But then I tell myself I could have gotten a worse diagnosis, something untreatable or inoperable, therefore I will fight this like a BITCH.

It is so hard for me to talk about this to friends and family, I immediately begin to cry, I tell them I feel like I am in a bad dream that I can't wake up from.

The time has come to let my mom know the news....we went over and my brother and sister-in-law were also there, I could not do it...the words would not come out of my mouth.  I signaled my husband to open the conversation, I think he wanted to kill me, I had put him on the spot.  He was amazing, he broke it slowly to her and kept telling her that it was treatable and that I would be ok, it would be a long year, but most importantly we will get through it.  She broke down and understandably so, I am a mother and it would kill me....but my mom is a strong woman and she told me you fight and I take care of your daughter.  We have had a very rough patch in the past, today she is a rock and an amazing support for my daughter.

I WILL FIGHT THIS AND I WILL WIN.......

I have an amazing support team starting with my husband, family and friends and that is what will get me through this.